My left hip feels like I fell on it yesterday not twenty months ago. I dared to sit on three cushions on a yoga studio matted floor for one hour. I shifted a lot. The pain hit within three mins of sitting. I choose “fuck it I want to sit in this mediation class. I’m choosing clarity right now.” This morning I am being punished by my hip and back for my choice.
I still don’t want the Vicodin back. I’m choosing clarity. It equals pain that I have to manage. And admittedly higher pain then I anticipated. But it’s winter and blah blah blah I am happier in clarity then I am blocking the pain and not functioning but surviving the high.
Yoga helps a lot more then I expected. Hot yoga is next. Last night was the first time I went with B to her studio. Not for yoga but for meditation class. I forced myself to go and not have an attitude. I pushed past the fear. It hurt like hell. Emotionally and physically. And I’m really really proud of me.