I don’t know why I expected the two year mark to somehow be different. The grief started creeping up in last night. Right on mark I opened my eye’s at 3AM and I knew why. My stomach was in knots and I had to get up and use the bathroom. I’ve had an upset stomach all day.
I pushed through a client meeting. I went to my friends house and talked about the day. We had hot Pho rather then go to the cemetery in the pouring down rain. I have no emotional need to drown myself in the fucking rain to prove how much I love and miss my Dude.
I had forgot how intense the physical sensations of grief can be. The emptiness and sense of sheer hollow inside is the worst part. Today I cried a little but not like I did a year ago or two years ago. Today I’m going back and forth between pissed off and silent. I’ve staired at a few walls today.
R.I.P. My sweet sweet Dude. I love you Cocksucker today and forever.