2yrs of Grief 

I don’t know why I expected the two year mark to somehow be different.  The grief started creeping up in last night.  Right on mark I opened my eye’s at 3AM and I knew why.  My stomach was in knots and I had to get up and use the bathroom.  I’ve had an upset stomach all day.

I pushed through a client meeting.  I went to my friends house and talked about the day.  We had hot Pho rather then go to the cemetery in the pouring down rain.  I have no emotional need to drown myself in the fucking rain to prove how much I love and miss my Dude.

I had forgot how intense the physical sensations of grief can be.  The emptiness and sense of sheer hollow inside is the worst part. Today I cried a little but not like I did a year ago or two years ago.  Today I’m going back and forth between pissed off and silent.  I’ve staired at a few walls today.

R.I.P. My sweet sweet Dude.  I love you Cocksucker today and forever.