As I release control over areas of my life which have caused me so much turmoil over I find myself more in control of others. Areas of my life I mean. I’ve always known I was abused. But I didn’t know how the PTSD was ruling my life. I felt cursed not to be blessed with the ability to block it all out like others I have met. I spent my entire life fighting the images, the feelings and the hell that came from childhood sexual abuse and rape. Now once again my opinion on the subject is changing. Because I’m healing.
I’m not grateful for my abuse. Fuck no. But I am seeing that everything I walked through as a result of the abuse was my path to
today clarity. Every path I willingly choose to walk down which resulted in me allowing someone to use me, take advantage of my vulnerability & ignorance and was me straight up going back for more abuse was the way I had to go.
When you are blinded by abuse you simply don’t know you are blind. You think you can see clearly but really everything is covered in thick chaotic darkness. When clarity comes you stand back and marvel and accept what you see knowing you will never be going back.